Genius of Honor

Just how much does it cost to be a bridesmaid?

2009-01-25T22:16:00.000-08:00

I got the following email from a friend, and I figured it would be a good thing to post here. When I first started being in weddings, I definitely had no idea just how many "hidden" expenses were involved, how much it could all add up, especially for destination weddings!

Q:

I just got asked to be a bridesmaid in one of my closest friend's weddings. I obviously want to be a part of this since we've known each other forever. However, she told everyone that she understands that in this economy, if we can't afford it, we can say no. I am pretty tight on money (I have some savings, but I'm not going crazy with them). But the thing is, I don't know how much it would cost so I am not sure of my answer yet. Obviously it varies, but I was wondering if you could give me an estimate of what you think it'd be, or at least the rundown of what I'd be responsible for, and maybe what proper etiquette is with things. For instance, I understand I have no say in the dress choice, but in other matters, say if all the other bridesmaids want to do a spa day/morning, am I obligated to do that with them? Or can I save by politely skipping out?

A: You're right that it's no small commitment to be in a wedding - financial or otherwise. Here's the rundown of what a bridesmaid is usually responsible for financially during the wedding, and my estimate of about how much I've usually paid for each item. I broke it down per wedding-related event for you.

Wedding

Dress $100-$200

Alterations $75

Shoes $50

Hair $75 (plus tip)

Sometimes the bride will cover this expense, or if she requires you to do Hair AND Makeup, she might cover one of the two

Jewelry $30

I've never had to pay for this, it's always been part of the bridesmaid gift, but it could come up as an expense

Mani/Pedi $30 and up

Again, you might not be required to do this, and it might be a gift from the bride, but often as a pre-wedding bonding activity, all the bridesmaids will go to the salon together for mani/pedis.

Present $50-75 Try to split this cost w/ other bridesmaids

Transportation $100 and up

This varies depending on where the wedding is. I've been to some weddings that involved expensive plane tickets

Accomodations $80 and up

If the wedding is out of town, you'll probably end up paying for at least part of a hotel room. Sometimes the bride will cover at least the wedding night accomodations

Bachelorette Party

Gift $40

Drinks & Dinner $100 and up

This really depends on the event & the maid of honor. Usually the bridesmaids all help split the cost of the party, including the bride's meal, drinks, and naughty party favors.

Bridal Shower

Gift $40

Party expenses $50 and up

If the maid of honor is hosting, again usually the bridesmaids all chip in some dough. If an aunt or family member is hosting, you might not be required to chip in.

ESTIMATED TOTAL $745 and up

I know it looks like a big scary commitment, but since you asked, I wanted to give you the best idea of what you might be responsible for. Keep in mind that if the wedding is local, or if you can stay with family or friends, you will save a lot of money. You're right that you don't really have a choice in what you wear, but yes, you can opt out of a spa day. It sounds like you have a budget-conscious bride, so hopefully she'll be understanding if you'd prefer to do your own hair, etc. My best advice to you, if you agree to be in the wedding, is that you should be up front about your financial situation, and be clear from the beginning that you can't afford a lot of "luxury" activities, but you still want to be a part of the big day and would love to participate in other ways (i.e. stuffing envelopes, etc.).

xo, Genius of Honor

2008-11-21T18:36:00.001-08:00

see more pwn and owned pictures

Seriously.

From a bridesmaid's perspective

2008-09-14T15:41:00.001-07:00

Their experience of the wedding:

My experience of the wedding:

20 cc's of suck it up

2008-09-13T21:50:00.000-07:00

Being the Genius of Honor means that, even when you decide to be delinquent, in the end, you still represent. I thought it would be so funny (OMG! Ha ha ha!) if I went out the night before the wedding.

All bets were off when the bartender greeted me by pouring ice down his pants and pulling out the fire extinguisher. After that, I just had to have a few dirty martinis, didn't I? Cut to this morning, where I was so hungover I couldn't even bend over to reach the shampoo. So I did what any Genius of Honor would do: I called for delivery. I had the tailor deliver my dress and the deli deliver an egg-and-cheese sandwich and four kinds of beverages. I slapped some makeup on and managed not to throw up in the cab ride to the church. And, I was on time. Which never happens, even when I'm sober.

I took 20 cc's of suck it up, because even though it's fun being the delinquent bridesmaid, that's not my style. Being the Genius of Honor means that the day is not about your hangover, it's about being there for your friends. And let me tell you, I cried like a baby during the ceremony, and it's not because the Tylenol had worn off.

Full disclosure; I am a little disappointed that no one even noticed that I was a wreck. Next time I decide I want to be the delinquent bridesmaid, I'm just going to bathe my body, not my liver in gin. Then I'll at least smell like the good time I had, and everyone will know all about it.

Way to go, genius

2008-09-12T14:20:00.000-07:00

I'm doing such a good job of being a delinquent bridesmaid that I
managed to miss the entire rehearsal picnic because I couldn't get a
cab in the rain. Now let's see how I can mess up at the rehearsal.

2008-09-12T14:02:00.000-07:00

The shoes on the left are what I'm wearing in tomorrow's wedding. The
ones on the right are what I wish I was wearing.

Home stretch

2008-09-12T12:50:00.001-07:00

My new favorite game is "delinquent bridesmaid." Usually I'm the drill sergeant, but this round I'm going for more of a slacker style. Tomorrow is the last wedding of Weddingfest 2008, and I bought the shoes for the wedding two hours ago, am over an hour late for the rehearsal picnic, and my dress is still at the tailor. Also, I made the ribbon bouquet while drunk at three in the morning. Can we tell I'm losing my edge?

Anyway, look forward to all the pictures, posts, and stories soon. I'm so busying being a bridesmaid, I don't have time to blog about it!

Wedding 1 of 3 . . .

2008-08-08T20:02:00.001-07:00

is over and I have so much to say! Updates coming soon. Look for:

- Pig entertainer at the rehearsal dinner
- Keeping peace amongst the bridesmaids
- Making up a toast on the fly
- Why groomsmen can be useless.

Phew!

Ribbon Hats for Kate & Amanda

2008-07-27T23:14:00.001-07:00

Ribbon hats and bouquets at showers must vary regionally. I had always thought that at a bridal shower, you made a bouquet so you had one to use during the wedding rehearsal. However, everyone at Kate and Amanda's shower seemed to want hats. Luckily, since there were two brides, I could do both. Now, I know the duties of a Flower Girl don't usually extend to the ribbon hats, but I have to say that if this whole professional bridesmaid thing doesn't work out, I really could be a milliner. My ribbon hats had veils, people, veils! And tissue rosettes. You go first class when you go with the Genius of Honor.

Example A: Kate and her mystery bride.

Example B: From my ready-to-wear collection - a hat and a bouquet!

Example C: Pensive Bridal Portrait

Example D: Fashion Bride

Advice Shower for Kate & Amanda

2008-07-27T22:53:00.001-07:00

Kate's mother, Freddie, hosted a lovely brunch today at her home in New Jersey for Kate and Amanda. As the guests arrived, I helped Freddie make their special family punch:

Not-too-Bride-y Bridal Shower Punch
Rainbow Sherbert
Champagne or Sparkling Wine
Orange Juice
Seltzer or Ginger Ale

Since Kate and Amanda had requested not to play games, Freddie included an index card in the invitations on which all the guests were asked to write advice. The cards were passed around in a basket, read aloud, and then everyone tried to guess who had written the advice. After appetizers and several glasses of punch (Mrs. Hess, I'm looking at you!), the advice got more and more lively. My contributions were:

"Be nice to each other. It's cheaper than therapy."
"It's O.K. to go to bed angry, but it is not O.K. to push someone from the bed onto the floor."
"When in doubt, open a bottle of champagne and pour."
"If you need more advice, please write to vonhottie@vonhottie.com."

The most controversial advice was the old adage, "Never go to bed angry." The room was split fifty-fifty, with half the guests believing you should never go to bed angry, and the other half believing that it's O.K. to go to bed angry because otherwise you'll just be tired and still angry. I think the debate would have gone on longer, but luckily Aunt Margie introduced the chocolate fountain in the dessert room. Which leads me to think the advice should have been:

"If you're about to go to bed angry, get a chocolate fountain."

Vintage Bride Wrapping Paper

2008-07-26T22:03:00.000-07:00

Kate and Amanda will be married on September 5, 2008 in Wellfleet, Massachusetts. Kate's mother and aunts are throwing them a bridal shower at Kate's mother's home in New Jersey. Kate and Amanda aren't sure how they feel about wedding events that are too traditional or, as Kate would say, "too bride-y."

Knowing that they'll be opening presents covered in pink wedding bell paper, I decided to do something a little different that I know they will appreciate, and which will ring true to their personal style.

I found most of these pictures on Flickr and used software that came with my HP printer to arrange the images. I printed the images on regular white paper (if I had something nicer or more vintage-looking, I would have used it) and used them to cover the box. Voila! Wrapping paper and a conversation piece in one!

Weddingfest 2008

2008-07-26T21:56:00.000-07:00

From July 27 to September 13, 2008, I will be in 3 weddings in 6 weeks in 3 states. I will be attending at least 22 wedding-related events. And I'll bring them all to you, right here. I'm calling it Weddingfest 2008! Hot cha cha.

How not to catch the bouquet

2008-03-13T14:06:00.001-07:00

Alison & Josh. June, 2004. Larchmont, New York.